The Cottage is a gentle melodrama from the makers of Heartbeat, in which a kindly man nurses a wounded sparrow back to health by his roaring fire in his quaint Dorset cottage.

Not really. Psych! In actual fact, it's a rib-tickling, flesh-tearing British comedy-horror starring Reece 'League of Gents' Shearsmith, Andy 'Gollum' Serkis and a surprisingly hilarious Jennifer 'Scouse Boobs' Ellison.

Two hapless criminals - tough-nut David (Serkis) and his weedy brother Peter(Shearsmith)- kidnap rich-man's daughter Tracey (Ellison) in the hope of making some quick ransom money. Holed up in a scruffy cottage hide-out, they soon find that they're not alone: there's a scary-faced fucking nutter on the loose out in those dark woods, and he's very keen to drive his axe into some soft, yielding faces. Cue comical carnage. Like Shaun of the Dead (which this'll inevitably get compared to) this manages to serve up both proper gore - you'll be chuckling one moment and wincing the next. The Cottage ain't perfect - it's a bit slow to get going and it can't have cost more than £40 to make - but it's definitely worth sitting down and scoffing some popcorn for.